ZQY vs. WZI

From Chartucky they both come...from very drugged lives they come...from so much experience in life--here they are...ZQY and QZI...and I have to choose between them. I really like the both of them. I dont want to choose one over the other and then later find out that I should have picked the other because we would have lasted longer if not forever...but i cant go back to them because I chose the other over them which will forever ruin things with them. Ugh...seriously, I really like ZQY but the future doesnt look as bright as it does looking into the mirror that is QZI. Especially when they leave and cannot defend their reputation. I try, but when someone else tells me otherwise, I can only defend them so much before I start to buy. And having them around to bring themselves back up in my eyes is a good thing...but when they ARENT around to do that, they go down down down--then stupid me has a dream, wakes up and they are better again. Maybe ZQY is connected to me in such a way that he can do that. Or maybe I choose to believe that he is better than I am being told. I dont know though. What if I then choose to go with ZQY and in the end I should have went with QZI who I believe could very well work, because I think he is a mirror to me. So what do I do...do I break the mirror, or do I risk myself in ZQY's arms?

Charlotte

ZAAAANE...I'M COMING TO CHARLOTTE TODAY...FORWARNING...

Life is hard

Well not only is Zane having a hard time in life right now, so am I. My bf Aaron left to Mexico a few weeks ago. But that's not the worst-it gets worse...

I was at first afraid he may have been thrown in jail by the coast guard. He and his brother had failed to turn on the lights and such and ended up being slapped with a fine. The day after he went to court he was supposed to come see me, and then leave. It was an entire week of calling his cell phone that was off the entire time. On the next Tuesday, I got to talk to him. He was in Texas waiting for his passport to be shipped to him. His brother convinced him to leave early so they could make the wedding on Saturday--which didnt happen. They had extensive car troubles, so they got there almost six days after they left.

Anyways I need to stop rambling and get to my point. My point is that Aaron and I got to talk again yesterday. I dont know if I will ever see this wonderful person again, but he tells me he will come back. He is a great person, and I dont want to lose him to some Barbie as Joe tells me will happen (dude in my audio class). But until he makes his way back to Michigan from Palm View where he is now...I am supposed to be "single" again. Which i dont like the one bit because I fear the worst: that he will never come back.

I guess i'm a risky person. I like to gamble petty amounts because I fear gambling, but when I think about gambling more, I risk it all because I have faith in it. YES, I USED THE WORD FAITH. WRITE THAT DOWN MIRANDA...

And when I decide to risk it all, I lose it all plus. Now I am in debt, with no way out of the corner that I backed into. Why is it that i really like to screw my life up? I almost did something that was too mad that now i'm sure I think I belong in an asylum. I should just take myself to them and let them lock me away. Then maybe all my problems would go away... SOMEONE HELP ME!!